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Monday, August 25, 2014

Stop ‘should-ing’ on Yourself!


Now say that 10 times really fast! Yes, I know what it ends up sounding like, and you know what? It pretty well means the same thing!

‘Should’ is one of those words that needs to be banned from our vocabulary. Nothing says JUDGEMENT more than adding the word ‘should’ in front of an action.

·         You really should lose weight
·         You should have told him how you feel

·         You really shouldn’t wear that
·         Do you think you should do that?

The moment that word gets used, it puts the recipient of that word on the defensive. No other word causes people to second guess themselves, feel guilt, and feel judged more than that one does.
So what’s the problem with this word? The problem is that it comes from the side of pain, it holds us entrenched in the victim mentality and makes it sound like we don’t have control of our lives.

Right now, I am reading the book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ by Susan Jeffers, and in one of the chapters Susan talks about the importance of developing a Pain-to-Power vocabulary. “The way you use words has a tremendous impact on the quality of your life. Certain words are destructive, others are empowering.” Like Michael Losier talks about in his book “Law of Attraction”, Words make up our Thoughts, which lead to our Feelings (positive or negative vibrations). So if we constantly use these words that come from a place of pain, helplessness, and depression, what do you think you are attracting more of in your life? You are going to receive more situations where you are going to use those words some more, causing more negative thoughts and feelings. It’s a nasty cycle, but once you are aware of those certain trigger words, you can catch yourself when you are saying them, and change them into words that come from a place of choice, power and strength.

Here is the chart that Susan Jeffers uses in her book to give you an idea of how to re-frame the worlds.



‘Can’t’ is another BIG one! Lord knows I have used that one WAY too often in my life! ‘Can’t’ implies that you have NO control over your life, like there is some outside force that is holding you back from whatever it is that you are saying you ‘can’t’ do. Think of your mind like a computer. When your subconscious registers you saying the word ‘can’t’, it stores it in the folder labelled ‘WEAK’. Like Susan says in her book, “Your subconscious believes only what it hears, not what is true”.  In a lot of cases, the truth is you CAN do whatever the situation is, but you CHOOSE not to, and instead of being truthful to the person asking you to do something or to yourself, you throw in the word ‘can’t’, so you feel you’re off the hook because that outside force is holding you back and you have NO control over it.
We need to start calling ‘bullshit’ on ourselves more often. If you change the ‘can’t’ to ‘won’t’, it shows that you are taking control and responsibility for your decision and are acting from a place of strength.  Better yet……..find a way that you CAN! There is a solution for every problem, IF you are willing and choose to look for it.

At a recent networking event, I was introduced to this video about a family that has brought up their children to NEVER say the word ‘can’t’. What this girl has achieved is beyond remarkable! So whenever I feel the word ‘can’t’ starting to rise up, I need to remind myself of this beautiful soul. What a freeing way to live, to know that you CAN do anything that you put your mind to, no matter what perceived limitations are put in your path. This family is truly an inspiration!! 

video


The bottom line is that these ‘pain’ inspired words just add up to EXCUSES!


What have you told yourself or someone lately that you ‘can’t do’ or that you ‘should’ be doing? I challenge you to find a way to re-frame it and find a way that you ‘can’ or ‘could’ do it!


What are your thoughts on these words, or others that you find that take away your power? What are you doing to combat them? Please share in the comments below! 


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